It's All In The Details

I worked graduation last night. Michael and I met for lunch and he took the van so he could pick up the kids and I took the truck. However, I realized I didn't have a key to the truck about 4:30. I asked Michael to bring me a key and leave it in the truck. He said no problem. As I was about to leave the Stubblefield Center it started raining hard. A friend gave me a ride to the truck. I have had a sinus infection for six weeks. I've taken two rounds of antibiotics and a week of steroids. I am much better but I have been sick for a while. When I got to the truck there was no key. I called him immediately. Michael, where is the key?? He said he had left it under the mat on the driver's side. I was having this conversation with him as I was standing in the cold pouring down rain without an umbrella. I had picked up the mat and looked everywhere underneath it. I had used my phone as a flashlight and looked everywhere. I touched every square inch of carpeting underneath that mat. I told him I couldn't find it. He said well I can load up all five kids and drive to you in the pouring down rain if you like. That was it. I was done. It wasn't my fault I couldn't find the key. It wasn't my fault I had to work graduation and it wasn't my fault it was raining. I told him not to try to make me feel guilty because I couldn't help it. I said, give me more details, describe to me exactly where you left it, talk it through. It just didn't make sense that someone would take the key and nothing else!! He sighed and told me he left the key exactly halfway between the tailgate and the fender wall. Instantly I realized he was saying he had left the key underneath the bed liner not the floor mat. I was drenched at this point and praying I wouldn't come down with pnuemonia. I went to the bed of the truck and found the key. I said Michael you left out the most important detail....which mat. Never once did he say........bed mat or bed liner. This experience was a lot like our experience with infertility. Even though his desire to have a child was very strong his desire was nothing like mine. We could have talked forever and not ever reached the same feeling or idea. Many times I felt like I was the only one who was trying to deal with the pain which compounded my hurt. We were on different planes. As my wounds healed I realized he was hurt too and probably just as much but just like where he put the key he literally couldn't communicate about it because all he was thinking about was having to take all our kids to come get me when he knew he had left the key. All I could think about was that he didn't want the baby as badly as I did but I've changed my mind about that. I've learned to ask Michael very specific questions. We got married and hoped to get pregnant right away. Eighteen months later I was weeping because I had accepted the fact that we had a problem and I might not ever have children. Michael asked what was wrong. I asked him if it was me he wanted or the baby we wanted to have. He gave a marriage strengthening response: I don't care if our child comes from your body or an adoption agency or China. I want you and I want you and I to be parents together. Our prayer was answered and I must admit I don't have pneumonia or even feel any worse today and once in a while Michael answers questions exactly perfectly.