It's All In The Details

I worked graduation last night. Michael and I met for lunch and he took the van so he could pick up the kids and I took the truck. However, I realized I didn't have a key to the truck about 4:30. I asked Michael to bring me a key and leave it in the truck. He said no problem. As I was about to leave the Stubblefield Center it started raining hard. A friend gave me a ride to the truck. I have had a sinus infection for six weeks. I've taken two rounds of antibiotics and a week of steroids. I am much better but I have been sick for a while. When I got to the truck there was no key. I called him immediately. Michael, where is the key?? He said he had left it under the mat on the driver's side. I was having this conversation with him as I was standing in the cold pouring down rain without an umbrella. I had picked up the mat and looked everywhere underneath it. I had used my phone as a flashlight and looked everywhere. I touched every square inch of carpeting underneath that mat. I told him I couldn't find it. He said well I can load up all five kids and drive to you in the pouring down rain if you like. That was it. I was done. It wasn't my fault I couldn't find the key. It wasn't my fault I had to work graduation and it wasn't my fault it was raining. I told him not to try to make me feel guilty because I couldn't help it. I said, give me more details, describe to me exactly where you left it, talk it through. It just didn't make sense that someone would take the key and nothing else!! He sighed and told me he left the key exactly halfway between the tailgate and the fender wall. Instantly I realized he was saying he had left the key underneath the bed liner not the floor mat. I was drenched at this point and praying I wouldn't come down with pnuemonia. I went to the bed of the truck and found the key. I said Michael you left out the most important detail....which mat. Never once did he say........bed mat or bed liner. This experience was a lot like our experience with infertility. Even though his desire to have a child was very strong his desire was nothing like mine. We could have talked forever and not ever reached the same feeling or idea. Many times I felt like I was the only one who was trying to deal with the pain which compounded my hurt. We were on different planes. As my wounds healed I realized he was hurt too and probably just as much but just like where he put the key he literally couldn't communicate about it because all he was thinking about was having to take all our kids to come get me when he knew he had left the key. All I could think about was that he didn't want the baby as badly as I did but I've changed my mind about that. I've learned to ask Michael very specific questions. We got married and hoped to get pregnant right away. Eighteen months later I was weeping because I had accepted the fact that we had a problem and I might not ever have children. Michael asked what was wrong. I asked him if it was me he wanted or the baby we wanted to have. He gave a marriage strengthening response: I don't care if our child comes from your body or an adoption agency or China. I want you and I want you and I to be parents together. Our prayer was answered and I must admit I don't have pneumonia or even feel any worse today and once in a while Michael answers questions exactly perfectly.

It'll Never Wash Out

The Perfect Easter Dress

Ashleigh read my first blog and made the comment that it was good but it was boring because it was all stuff she already knew. I told her that's ok because tomorrow it's all about you. One of my most memorable Ashleigh moments took place at a praise and worship service on a Sunday evening. She didn't like the kids program and wanted to stay with us. What she really wanted was to stay at home. She passed me a note that turned my somber singing into embarrassing laughter. On a small scrap of paper she had written the words "I HAT YOU". Apparently she hadn't yet learned the power of the silent "E". This is similar in nature to the time she had written a note stating that her sister is "STOOPED". In her mind she had called her sister stupid. In actuality she had commented about her sister not standing up straight. Ashleigh is a local celebrity. This is a little known fact. If you visit Rick's Rib House in Van Buren say hi from mello yello. Every time we would eat there she would order mello yello to drink. What restaurant besides this one sells mello yello instead of Mountain Dew???? It became her nickname. Another memory I have of Ashleigh is the time we spent days finding the perfect Easter dress for her only to have her sleep through the entire Easter service. The pastor asked if she had a good nap as we were leaving. Since she was even snoring I believe she felt quite rested. As we were leaving the church one night she started crying. She had spilled her communion grape juice on her white shorts. She was upset because her shorts were brand new. I told her I'd wash them and it would be okay. She kept crying and said, "No, the pastor said blood is permanent." Yes, Ashleigh, the blood of Jesus is permanent and I have never forgotten that even though you pass me notes, nod off and snore and act like you think I'm crazy that you are a beautiful young woman who is listening and absorbing what we live. I hope someday you can blog happy memories about your crazy Aunt Rhonda but please wait until you're no longer a teenager.

My First Blog



Baby Shower Cake for Haleigh



Baby Shower Cake for Legend



My kids make me laugh. I couldn't begin to describe the joy or the stress for which they are responsible. We became a family by a very non-traditional route. I want to share the beauty of the broken road with the kids by capturing some of the memories I want them to have forever.

I couldn't decide quite where to begin. I decided to start with one of my favorite memories of the kids. The cakes pictured were from the baby shower that was given to me at work. I am a very positive person and I take the good with the bad. During the period of my life in which I was trying to achieve pregnancy I attended many baby showers. After the termination hearing for HaLeigh and Legend in February of 2010 and after the judge had DHS contact me and tell me he had terminated the parental rights and had approved the adoption proceedings my co-workers gave me a baby shower. It was touching and marked a turning point in life where what I had longed for was becoming a reality. What I realized from failed attempts at pregnancy is that no matter who a person is a pregnancy only lasts around nine months. Being mommy lasts the rest of your life. Even though I didn't carry my children in my womb I still get to be mommy the rest of my life. I'll just consider myself blessed.