I worked graduation last night. Michael and I met for lunch and he took the van so he could pick up the kids and I took the truck. However, I realized I didn't have a key to the truck about 4:30. I asked Michael to bring me a key and leave it in the truck. He said no problem. As I was about to leave the Stubblefield Center it started raining hard. A friend gave me a ride to the truck. I have had a sinus infection for six weeks. I've taken two rounds of antibiotics and a week of steroids. I am much better but I have been sick for a while. When I got to the truck there was no key. I called him immediately. Michael, where is the key?? He said he had left it under the mat on the driver's side. I was having this conversation with him as I was standing in the cold pouring down rain without an umbrella. I had picked up the mat and looked everywhere underneath it. I had used my phone as a flashlight and looked everywhere. I touched every square inch of carpeting underneath that mat. I told him I couldn't find it. He said well I can load up all five kids and drive to you in the pouring down rain if you like. That was it. I was done. It wasn't my fault I couldn't find the key. It wasn't my fault I had to work graduation and it wasn't my fault it was raining. I told him not to try to make me feel guilty because I couldn't help it. I said, give me more details, describe to me exactly where you left it, talk it through. It just didn't make sense that someone would take the key and nothing else!! He sighed and told me he left the key exactly halfway between the tailgate and the fender wall. Instantly I realized he was saying he had left the key underneath the bed liner not the floor mat. I was drenched at this point and praying I wouldn't come down with pnuemonia. I went to the bed of the truck and found the key. I said Michael you left out the most important detail....which mat. Never once did he say........bed mat or bed liner. This experience was a lot like our experience with infertility. Even though his desire to have a child was very strong his desire was nothing like mine. We could have talked forever and not ever reached the same feeling or idea. Many times I felt like I was the only one who was trying to deal with the pain which compounded my hurt. We were on different planes. As my wounds healed I realized he was hurt too and probably just as much but just like where he put the key he literally couldn't communicate about it because all he was thinking about was having to take all our kids to come get me when he knew he had left the key. All I could think about was that he didn't want the baby as badly as I did but I've changed my mind about that. I've learned to ask Michael very specific questions. We got married and hoped to get pregnant right away. Eighteen months later I was weeping because I had accepted the fact that we had a problem and I might not ever have children. Michael asked what was wrong. I asked him if it was me he wanted or the baby we wanted to have. He gave a marriage strengthening response: I don't care if our child comes from your body or an adoption agency or China. I want you and I want you and I to be parents together. Our prayer was answered and I must admit I don't have pneumonia or even feel any worse today and once in a while Michael answers questions exactly perfectly.
The first time I heard Legend's name I just knew he was a little black boy. I was so ready to be a mom I couldn't care less what race he was. I also didn't ask because it didn't matter. Much to my surprise when I met him for the first time he was a chubby white fat boy with big brown eyes. My heart flipped. He's still making my heart flip. Legend was born to a teenage prostitute mom and a level 2 sex offender dad. He is the second child born to them. My precious HaLeigh bug being their first. Legend was born 2 1/2 months early because his mom wanted to make him come early. She drank castor oil until she put herself into pre-term labor. He was breech and was brought into this world by emergency caesarean. His heart never stopped beating but he stopped breathing on his own. They intubated him and flew him to Little Rock by helicopter. He stayed at Arkansas Children's Hospital in the NICU for two months. He was released to the care of his biological mom and dad. They failed to care for him. He was losing weight when it was critical that he gain. He also was at a very high risk for blindness. When babies eyes don't get to form in the womb the blood vessels on the backs of the eyes are at high risk for limited circulation. The blood vessels can die and the baby can lose his sight. This is treatable but not correctable once it has happened. Legend was discharged with the instructions that he get regular follow up visits. When the eye doctor at Children's did not see Legend for a follow up appointment he had his office send letters and make phone calls. He received no response. After 20 days he sent the police to retrieve the baby and take our precious man back to Children's to make sure that he was all right. That day was August 11, 2008. Legend and HaLeigh were both taken into custody that day. Legend received the medical care he needed and their journey to our house had began. Yesterday when I picked him up from school his teacher told me that she had asked him his favorite song. He had said Temporary Home. She asked him why it would be Temporary Home. He said, "Well, it's my mama's favorite song. She sings it to me except she says it was NOT a temporary home. It makes her happy." He has no idea what that means to me but someday he will.
